The Pressure of Money Problems and Debt
This week a tragedy occurred just eye shot from my the building where I work. I was at lunch when I noticed the sky filled with three news helicopters.
A man in his forties, married to his high school sweet heart with two beautiful children ages 10 & 12 shot and killed his wife and kids and then committed suicide. They lived in a beautiful home, in a very up scale community. Had fairly new SUV vehicles parked in the driveway as well as a maid, who unfortunately is the one who found the bodies.
It is something that, sadly occurs all too often somewhere in the country and all indications are that this was a direct result of money problems and overwhelming debt. By all exterior appearances this family was successful and well off. The neighbors said they were very friendly and active in the neighborhood but yet private about their lives.
I want to extend my heart felt prayers and sympathy to the surviving extended family. What they must now deal with and try to understand must be so confusing and can only be done with God's help. That brings me to this article. It is not about this particular family but the actual incident. Murder suicide related to financial stress, debt, living beyond your means. This incident, and other like it around the country should be a wake up call to all of us on more than one level. It should help us all realize how quickly things can get out of control as it relates to money and money management. It should also help us realize that there are so many individuals and families around us that may appear to be "ok" on the outside but are in turmoil on the inside. Maybe we should all offer our friends and family with the option of being there for them if they need anything. Let them know they are not alone. I'm not talking about handing them money, I am talking about emotional support. Sometimes all it takes is a sincere "how are you really doing? you know I am here for you no matter what if you ever need to talk" many people don't realize or feel they have anyone to turn to.
There are so many families, that for what ever reason, are living beyond their means. Some feel they must always keep up with the "Jones", compete to have a house, furnishings, car like a neighbor or other family member. They may get this feeling and pressure from their spouse, or even from their parents. Some have such a fear of "failure" they are willing to drown in debt and/or make terrible life altering decisions that effect them and their family all because they are afraid to ask for help and telling a spouse "honey we are in serious financial trouble."
Friends, money and/or the lack there of is NOT worth your life or the life of your family. It is not worth your health either. There is no shame in saying "I am in over my head financially", there is no shame in saying "I don't know how to manage money." The fact of the matter is, the majority of us don't know how to manage money. We have never been taught.
Oh sure, there may have been a lesson or two in school on how to balance your check book, but how many of you have every been taught how to make a budget and keep a budget? We are a product of our environment and up-bringing. If your parents were good at managing money, chances are those lessens filtered down to you. However, from the debt statistics in this country, with most households having between $8000 and $10,000 in credit card debt (and that is an average, most have much more) chances are your the minority if you were raised with any form of money management skills.
So what happens? You get married. Instead of living in an apartment for a few years to save money for a home, you buy one right away sometimes needing a co-signer. Now that home has to get new furniture and guess what, the furniture store has a 2 year same as cash credit card to charge the furniture on, you think what a deal! You can't drive around in that old car after all it is too small to handle the two kids so a new car is bought on a 60 month bank note, or worse yet, a lease....oops, you actually need two new vehicles because your spouse doesn't want to drive the old car. Within three to five years of marriage you are $60,000 to $90,000 dollars in debt between cars and furniture and that isn't counting the mortgage. Sometimes you come into the marriage with student loan debt or other credit card debt as well. You do all this on a income that is based on an hourly job or low paying salary job as you are still at an entry level of pay grade. You are both having to work just to meet the basic bills. The pressure cooker has already started building pressure.
As time goes on you need a little extra cash and take out a second mortgage on that house of yours, pay down some credit cards with it so now you have more room to charge up more, and the cycle continues (see Is a Consolidation Load a Good Idea). You have money, but it isn't your money. You have everything you want, but it is never enough you always find more to buy. The cycle continues, the debt increases, the pressure of making payments weighs heavy on your mind because now you are missing payments. You start to feel like there is no way out. You can't admit to anyone about the pressure you feel because you think they will think you are a failure, nothing could be further from the truth.
This cycle can, and as proven this week, does lead to someone having a breakdown to do something they never in a million years believed they would do just to, in their mind, save face from the shame of debt and money problems going public. Many feel they are all alone, they have no where to turn. Please know this....You are NEVER alone.
Please, please understand, that regardless of the amount of debt you have or the amount of pressure you are under and stress you feel, NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING is worth taking your life or the life of your spouse and kids. NOTHING!!!
Money is just that...money. It is an object, an idol. It doesn't have a soul, it has no feelings nor does it have relatives. It worships no one, it loves no one, but there are people who worship it and many love it and that is where the trouble begins.
Some people, maybe even you, have put money and the appearance of success above your own family, above your kids, even above yourself and God. When those priorities are not in the proper order, bad decisions are made worse.
If you are in debt, feel the pressure of financial stress, have lost your job, please, please seek out help from your family. Share with them openly and honestly what the situation is, you will be amazed how well they will support you. Yes it may be a shock at first and that initial reaction may not be pleasant, but in a short time after they process the situation they will support you. Seek out a professional money management coach, someone who is centered on Christ and teaching you how to manage your debt as well as your money. There are also scores of free resources online that will get you started like "Get Out Of Debt Using the Snowball Method"
Let me be very honest, getting out of debt is not easy, however, anyone and everyone can do it, regardless of income. Debt is really a symptom of bad spending behavior. Many times, as mentioned above, that spending behavior was how you were raised that isn't an excuse, it is an acknowledgment and you are going to make a change in behavior and make that change now. It is about being accountable to yourself and your spouse. It is about changing your behavior for the better, and in the long run changing your family tree, breaking the cycle of poor money management habits and becoming a money management expert for your family.
Most people, not all, but most, can get out of debt in three to five years. Isn't working hard for three to five years a better choice than taking the life of your family? I hope and pray your answer is "yes."
If it is not, please contact your local community crisis center. They are equipped with the staff to help you get through the emotional pressure you are feeling regarding your debt or any other crisis that is causing thoughts that could harm yourself or someone else. They are also money management counseling options available and many churches are now offering some form of money management assistance. Many times these services are free are available for a very small fee.
Not talking to family or a professional about your financial problems can cause additional pressure. Sometimes in our minds we can build a problem up to be impossible to solve, when really if we just share our thoughts and problems with our loved ones or a professional it can make things so much better in the long run. Talking things out always makes you feel better.
God never intended you to be focused on money, you are to be focused on Him, and when you take your eyes off Him your life will begin to crumble. Nothing is worth that.
If I can leave you with just one thing, it would be to repeat what I said above. NOTHING is worth your life or the life of your spouse and kids. EVERYTHING can be worked out in time and with the right help. Please reach out to someone if you are in financial distress, if you are feeling the pressures of debt, or collectors. Please reach out to a pastor, community crisis center, debtors anonymous, your spouse, family or friend, please reach out to someone even if you just say, "I am in trouble and need help, I don't know what to do" someone is there to help you, if they first person doesn't hear what you are asking for or understand, go to someone else. What ever you do, please Don't Give Up!
I pray you will feel the hand of God as well, even in your darkest, lonelest moment, HE is there by your side, HE will give you comfort and peace regardless of the issue.